Even When Death Did Us Apart
by 8D SerenityCrystal Tear 83
Summary: After a long and hard journey, it's finally come to the end of an adventure. We've laughed, and we've cried, and everyone has gotten their happy ending... Well...all except Shizuru, that is. Where's her happy ending? Not with Sakyo. He's dead. But where else is there to turn to? Where else is there to go? . . . Oh... Wait... Maybe there is a place, after all...


This is a repost of my YYH one-shot. It's been revised a little and I say it's better than before!

This takes place after the end of the anime. Shizuru is one of my favorite female YYH characters; she's strong and wise, and cares for her friends - even if it's sometimes shown in a rough way [Kuwabara, anyone? XD]. I never thought she had a real weakness until Sakyo came around. I think she fell hard despite not really knowing him, and this one-shot is my take on a potential path that might have happened after the initial YYH storyline had ended. I tried to keep everyone in character as best as I could.

I hope you all enjoy reading this. I enjoyed writing it - and later revising it!

Reviews and critiques, and just simple thoughts are always welcomed, but if it's clear that something is just a pure flame, I won't take kindly to it.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho nor do I own the characters! All I own is this plot.

* * *

**Even When Death Did Us Apart . . .**

* * *

_I was torn up with grief moments before and after the fatal separation. I told myself it was just another crush, nothing more; that I'd get over it…_

_So why do I feel this way?_

_~.~.~_

"Why do I keep putting myself through this?"

Is what keeps repeating itself in my mind.

Why?

Why do I keep doing that?

Will I never learn?

Will I never learn to stop making these awful mistakes?

Even before I make them, I know what I'm getting into;

I know I shouldn't be doing it — yet…

I do it, anyway.

I've dated different guys before and it would turn out the same every time; they'd either end up acting completely different than the way they were before, or I'd get tired of them quickly and wouldn't waste another second before telling them so.

There have been some good looking ones, but like you, they walked away from me without batting an eye.

And like you, I had a hard time getting over them.

But…not like this.

After maybe a week or so, I could move on with my life and forget about everything,

But I can't do that now.

Two years…

Two and a half years…

And I still can't get over you.

Why?

Why can't I get you out of my mind?

Is it because every time I close my eyes, I see you?

About your long black hair that shined even when in the shadows;

About that dark suit you seemed to always wear;

About that hint of a smile that was barely visible on your face;

About those mysterious, blue eyes that always mesmerized me on the spot —

Is that why I can't get over you?

Because everywhere I go, I always see something that reminds me of you?

Because even in my own sleep, I can't dream about anything else _but_ you?

Is that why?

But _why_?

It's not like there was anything between us.

We were almost complete strangers,

So how come I can't get you out of the deepest depths of my mind?

~.~.~

_Of course I knew why…but I wasn't about to believe it. I was already hurting, so why admit something when it'll only make my heart cry in agony all over again?_

_~.~.~_

There was one guy that I couldn't get over as quickly as the others, but I did eventually,

And I'll get over you eventually too.

I won't be held back by some guy.

That's stupid. Why would — no. Why _should_ I?

That's a big sign of weakness.

I shouldn't be grieving over someone for my whole life —

As if they were the whole world to me;

As if I'd have nothing to live for if that person passed away.

That's not the way I want to live my life.

. . .

But you know what?

You _are_ dead.

You have been for two and a half years now.

And you know what?

I _still_ can't get over you.

I didn't want to — I had no idea I even _did_,

But my world unconsciously revolved around you,

And now that you're gone, I can't move on no matter how hard I try.

What do I have to live for?

What _did_ I live for before we met each other?

Nothing.

So why is it, when I met you, my world turned upside down?

Why is it, when you died, I barely smiled after that?

Why is it, I don't have the same spunk I felt before?

Because you're dead and not by my side.

That's why!

Should I follow you?

Follow you to the underworld?

Where I can be with you forever, and never be alone again?

It's wrong, I know.

But with the pain I'm feeling, I don't care.

Please…

Please…I don't want to be alone, anymore.

I don't want to suffer anymore.

.~.~.~.

Without truly being in-touch with reality, I was aware of my feet moving.

It took a minute, but when that minute passed, I realized they were running.

Sweat dripped from my forehead and slid down to my eyes, stinging them enough that I needed to blink.

But I didn't care. No other pain could rival what was raging through my heart

I didn't know where I was going, but somehow, I knew I'd be there soon.

. . .

How long was I running?

I didn't know exactly, but it had to be for a long time.

I finally stopped;

Finally arriving at my destination.

Your grave.

I fell to my knees, staring at the fairly recent tombstone with blank eyes.

It was silent;

Uncomfortably silent in this cemetery.

But…it fit you.

I smiled at the grave.

The first smile I made in months.

Why am I smiling?

Because I'm happy right now;

Happy to be with you.

…And I want to stay this happy.

I took out a razor, not bothering to wonder when I picked one up.

Staring at it, I felt emotionless.

No guilt. No regret. No hesitation.

Nothing.

I looked up at the setting sun, and smiled again.

It was sunset when you died, remember?

And now, I'll be following you.

With one last gaze at the large flaming orb in the sky, I remembered my baby brother, his friends, and all the adventures they went through together.

Great times…

I'm glad they got their happy ending.

And now…I'm going to get mine.

With one swift motion, I cut straight through the thick vein hidden just beneath my pale skin.

Blood spilled everywhere as I collapsed upon your grave, gasping from the pain.

My vision blurred quicker than I anticipated, then everything went black.

But before I slipped away from the living, I found strength to say one more thing.

"Sakyo…"

.~.~.~.

My eyes fluttered opened. I was in an office of some kind, colored with pastel paints.

I looked ahead and widened my eyes at the young boy staring right at me

He knew.

Koenma knew what I had done – and why.

So this is what the Spirit World looked like.

The Spirit World… where dead people's souls come to be judged.

Judged to a specific place;

It could either be a paradise…or a punishment.

The Prince of the Spirit World slowly shook his head, sadness clearly reflecting from his golden eyes.

With a half-hearted nod of the head, he gave me directions to the place I was heading:

A paradise of some sort, I think.

…_He_ wouldn't be there.

As I walked on the long bridges somehow floating in the sky, I saw many doors;

Doors leading to very different places:

Heaven, Hell, and everything in-between.

When I came to my assigned door, I caught sight of a man leaning against the golden wall.

Not just anyone, though.

But _him_.

I smiled brightly before running up to him.

He smiled back at me.

He still wore the same black suit;

His hair was as long and shiny as I remembered;

And his ocean-deep eyes still took my breath away with a single glance.

He hasn't changed one bit.

But why was he here?

Has he been waiting for me?

Has he been feeling the same sorrow and agony I have?

Did he share the same feelings?

I could finally admit my feelings —

Both to him…and myself.

And he could admit them to me.

We could finally be together!

"Sakyo, I love you!"

His empty eyes brightened before a soft chuckled escaped his lips.

My smile widened even more;

In both relief and happiness.

But then…

He looked back at me, his smile now an amused smirk.

He shook his head and walked passed me.

After taking a few steps away from me, he stopped and said:

"I promised myself to never become like my brothers with wives and kids. It's weak and revolting; Something I'll never stoop so low to become."

He turned slightly, just enough to look back at me with those same eyes.

"And I'll be keeping that promise even if I'm dead."

My world was straightened once,

Then I met you and it flipped upside down.

When you died, I realized I had no meaning, so I decided to take my own life;

And now that we're together again, you walk away from me without batting an eye —

Just like you did back then.

If I could rewind time, I would do it now.

Before the awful rejection;

Before the hot tears streaming down my face;

Before the giant lump in my throat -

I'd rewind all of it, so that I could be alive again.

I feel it now.

I feel my guilt;

I feel my regret;

I feel my hesitation to leave my baby brother to mourn over my death.

I feel it all.

But it's too late now.

It was my decision, and now I'm paying for it.

I guess I never _will_ learn after all…

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Was it too depressing? Maybe, but I think it fits. As I said Shizuru really fell and didn't act like her usual self when it came to him, so that was my interpretation of what her mindset might be like after seeing everyone else get their happy ending (canon ending, of course).

Well, hope you all liked it! Ciao~


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